Erm. Went to Orchard road today with Ben, Daesia, Sherweine, Sara, Xavier, Keith, Syukri and Adrian. "Christmas Party" la. Theme of the day: unnecessarily glam. Wow.

Either way, me=Pink Polo, Dark blue jeans, Black Convies and a tie. Yes, a tie. But it's not like everyone else followed the dress code anyway.

Met Xavier, Ben and Keith earlier. They come slack at my house. Imagine: Keith's playing my PSP, Ben's on my bed (erm... Yeah.) trying to play my acoustic, X-man's bobbing to the music I'm blasting... And I don't know what I was trying to do, actually.

After that, went to Sara's house. Met Adrian and Johnathan Tay. (lol, j-tay.) After a bit of lagging we go mrt to go orchard, while j-tay pangseh go watch Tom & Jerry live at Eastpoint. o_o

Reached orchard cineleisure, slackslack wait for Sherweine and Syukri to come, then go arcade play. Somehow we managed to end up in Plaza Sing. But on the way there. I realised. I'm a frikkin' idiot. It was bad enough that I was making alot of noise. But the way I acted. It was so damn childish. But I didn't realise until everything was said and done, when Syukri and Sherweine had left. Wth kind of impression did I give? ):

I was pretty damn sad the rest of the day, actually. The way I was. I couldn't stand myself. I forced myself to be "outgoing", to the point that I acted like I was five. What the hell's wrong with me? That's the complete opposite of who I really am... But they don't know that. She doesn't know that. I felt like a complete failure.

Sometimes I feel so damn pissed with myself. I try to change things. But I'm just making things worse. For the rest of the night, I just thought. I didn't speak. I just meddled in my own business. My own world. The way I'm supposed to be.

I thought to myself. If I pretend to outgoing, I tend to overdo it. More so in front of her. When I see her... I really don't know how to handle myself. I don't want her to see me as a loner. But I don't want her to see me as an immature brat. And yet, I went off and totally blew it.

Most of you reading this should know who she is. And, I honestly, highly doubt this. But if for some reason, God lets you see this... I love you. And I'm sorry. Sorry for pretending to be someone I'm not. Sorry for having you lose face. Sorry for even liking you. I'm probably just a burden, and a burden that's not worth your time. I'm sorry.

Luckily I had my friends with me to cheer me up. Thank you, all of you. You're great people. And you all deserve the best. Thanks for being there, really.

I admit, I'm still a bit sad now, but I don't think I want to end this post in such a sombre mood. But don't expect to see me smiling like that as I post the pictures.

Syukri and me in cathay. I look retarded. I deserve it.

Sara and me in Sara's house.

Eh. Trippy.

Me and Daesia at Sara's house.


Me and Adrian at Sara's house.

... eh.


i'm sorry, i did not mean to hurt my little girl.
it's beyond me, i cannot carry the weight of a heavy world.